Sorry Mom

So I had 12 orgasms in 24 hours. I have used the phrase "12 orgasms" at least 24 times in 48 hours. All the space in the 48 states would not hold this man's stamina.

We crossed paths at the start of December; he talked about moving to Hawaii. I flipped my calender to reveal December - the picture is of Hawaii, and the caption says,

"Nature is always giving us hints. It hints at us over and over and over, and, suddenly, we take the hint."

Consolation, or Drama Pt2

We pull out of Willie's yard onto the highway. I apologize for the scene he has just witnessed. He says,

"Aw thats nuthin." And proceeds to tell this story, about halfway through I am crying (which, okay, is not a blue moon occurrence). I am sure that he tells it better, so just bear with me - it's the mental picture that really brings this one home.

He - we'll call him Tony, and a friend - we'll call him Aaron, are approached by another friend - we'll call him Jay. Jay requests they help him help his girlfriend move. Okay, they say.

A little background - Jay is apparently a very large friend, and not known for bright ideas. Also, Jay drives a white, last-leg, Mercury Tracer. The pick-up is to take place in Hickville, USA. From what I gathered, Tony is the only piece of colored folk around.

They pull up to the girl's house, Jay goes inside. He and the girl (who is also quite large) come running out. And the girl's HUSBAND comes running out after them, hollering,

"You aint takin my old lady!" And brandishing a 44 Magnum. He commenses to shooting at everybody.

Tony yells for Aaron to get in the front seat and drive! (They had both previously been in the back seat.) So Aaron jumps over the seat and floors it in reverse. Not feeling the speed he wanted, Tony flies to the floor and puts his hand on Aaron's foot which is on the pedal, pressed to the floor.

So they are making their getaway at 20 MPH in reverse. So slowly in fact, that they watch through the windshield as Jay (large man) gains on the car - CATCHES it, and jumps in.

I can only imagine that Mr. 44 Magnum was already drunk that day, or maybe had a peg leg. Apparently, either way he was a bad shot. Nobody was hurt. But they were a tad jostled.

They go to the local Sheriff's Office to report the shooting. The deputies are all much more interested in Tony, what he was doing in town, and how he was connected with the shooting, than anything else. At the end of a story that I can imagine they didnt hear much of, the Sheriff says,

"Well aint that (enter redneck name here). And aint that his old lady? What the hell d'ya'll esspect?! I suggest you get on outta here before he reloads and finds you."

Back, miraculously, in one piece later that afternoon. They re-enter the pool they had been lounging in before Jay's errand, and decide not to help Jay move a another girlfriend.

Classic, or what?

Southside Drama

So I have an errand on the southside of town yesterday. Lately I have a less than diligent attitude about work, so I decided to keep on driving out to the home of Willie - keeper of the RV.

When I get there, Willie is under his taxi (he drives a taxi) with a wrench or something and small sledge hammer. They didnt look like mechanic tools to me...I squat by the taxi and say,

"Willay, what's the word?" He begins to tell me what is wrong with the taxi, though I didnt catch a single word.

Liquid that has been dripping very near his face now begins a miniture deluge, and his face doesnt move. Wow, that's discipline.

I go back to the car for a smoke, because he aint gettin up. A friend that rode with me, a new friend (perhaps a post about that later), is checking out the RV, and extends approval. Willie gets out from under the taxi and says,

"You gon' get this thing outta here?"
"Did you put on the part?"

Mrs. Willie steps out of the door. Fire Hot.

"You coming to get this thing?" Very terse expression. "The city has been on us, this thing has been here almost a year, and I think..." Add explicatives, etc.

Remember that there is someone with me that I have known all of four days.

"Yes m'am. As soon as it runs, I will drive it away."
"Well it's supposed to run."
"As soon as Willie calls me, I will be here that min-"
"Why he need to call you again?! He's been calling and calling and you dont ever answer. You need to take this thing away from here."

Now, truth be told, Willie has called me all of 3 times during these 8 months, and 2 of those were returning my call. In fact, at this point in the story, only those two calls had been made.

"If it stays any longer, you'll be paying money directly to me."
"Yes m'am, I agree that some compensation is in order. As soon as it runs and he calls me, it will be out of here that minute."
"Woman, shut up!"

The thought that perhaps she doesnt have the whole or correct story dawns on her. And she turns to Willie, and her volume and tone increase in fury.

"You aint put that part on yet! You been telling me one thing and telling her another."
"Get the Fuck back in the house, stop botherin me. No I AINT put it on yet, I had other things to do." Now dont imagine it went down this black and white. Neither of them probably heard a word the other was saying. Simultaneous opposing cuss words were flying across the yard. I wasnt quite sure where this was headed, but I was sure I didnt want to find out. I said,

"All right, Willie." And we cut out.

Talked to Willie this morning, he called (#3).
"Sorry my wife was acting a damn fool..."

The Green Masheen should be ready for pick-up Sunday. We'll see